Political guide to tourists to the Island of Ireland


Had this drop in my mail box and thought i would share.  A bit of Friday Fun.  Enjoy.



Political guide to tourists to the Island of Ireland

Ireland is an island to the west of Britain but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland.

The capital of Ireland is Dublin . It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland , but still pay in Euros.

Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be in Ireland , but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK . Had the campaign lasted longer the North might now be in France .

Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland . It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the South. No, not the south, the South.

There are two parliaments in Ireland . The Dublin parliament is called the Dáil, (pronounced "Doyle"), an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers' money. The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.

Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste.

Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.

Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price of drink.

We have two types of democracy in Ireland . Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result. If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum.

Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin .

Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.

All versions of the IRA claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North's biggest industry is the production of IRAs. Consequently, we now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRA. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers simply because it is the easiest to spell.

7 comments:

belfast cabby on 3:09 am said...

I live here and even i am confused!!

A Selective Reading on 12:36 pm said...

You are not the only one. :)

Anonymous said...

You forgot about the M2. The motorway to nowhere(unless you want to go to Ballymena) and most definitely not the motorway to connect the main CITIES in Northern Ireland.
Oh! and the second University mustn't forget that either, lets build it ANYWHERE but in the second city.... I know lets build it in the desolate windswept boglands of Coleraine .........

Anonymous said...

Spot on!

Anonymous said...

Hi there, its fаѕtiԁious article on the
topic of medіa print, we all be aware of mеdia is a enormous souгce of data.


My webpagе party pills cheap

oakleyses on 2:29 am said...

valentino shoes, babyliss, asics running shoes, celine handbags, chi flat iron, converse outlet, north face outlet, reebok outlet, louboutin, mcm handbags, nike huaraches, timberland boots, instyler, p90x workout, bottega veneta, mac cosmetics, ralph lauren, insanity workout, nike air max, jimmy choo outlet, soccer jerseys, nike roshe run, nike air max, ferragamo shoes, new balance shoes, hollister, hermes belt, converse, nike trainers uk, iphone cases, giuseppe zanotti outlet, baseball bats, oakley, mont blanc pens, ghd hair, ray ban, wedding dresses, hollister clothing, lululemon, hollister, nfl jerseys, longchamp uk, vans outlet, beats by dre, north face outlet, vans, soccer shoes, herve leger, abercrombie and fitch, gucci

oakleyses on 2:32 am said...

canada goose outlet, barbour uk, pandora uk, moncler, canada goose, canada goose outlet, canada goose jackets, canada goose, toms shoes, swarovski crystal, links of london, moncler outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, ugg uk, pandora jewelry, wedding dresses, moncler, ugg pas cher, moncler outlet, pandora jewelry, canada goose outlet, karen millen uk, doudoune moncler, supra shoes, louis vuitton, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, canada goose, hollister, juicy couture outlet, louis vuitton, lancel, juicy couture outlet, coach outlet, canada goose uk, louis vuitton, moncler uk, louis vuitton, pandora charms, montre pas cher, moncler, swarovski, marc jacobs, moncler, replica watches, barbour, thomas sabo, louis vuitton, ugg

 

Hand of History. Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved Revolution Two Church theme by Brian Gardner Converted into Blogger Template by Bloganol dot com | Distributed by Deluxe Templates